the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
