I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She told me I should be a condom model.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
