my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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