Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
