i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That's how pantless uber rides happen
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
