You can't motorboat a personality
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
