i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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