woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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