Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
