i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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