Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
