do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
