I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
