I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
