he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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