I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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