someone get that fucking seahorse.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
