i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this just has baby written all over it
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
