I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
