either way he was missing a nipple.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
