I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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