If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
