i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
