I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
3 2 1 whiskey
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
