I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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