i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
