I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
