in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
