youre lurking in front of me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize