Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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