Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
