I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
