I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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