My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
