Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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