literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
