I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
