Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
