Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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