Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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