how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
