is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize