he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
