I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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