I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
