I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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