Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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