I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize