We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
