i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
