My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
