We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize