it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
