She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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