I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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