My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
