We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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