If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
