I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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