It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
