Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you win again, gameday.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
