Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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