i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
