Where did you get a picture of my penis
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
