Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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