Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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