Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
