I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
