Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
