He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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