who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
