So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
