If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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