i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
