they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
