I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
