I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
