Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
