After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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