Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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